Mr. MMA's Cardio Workouts (353 Days till I fight my Boss)

The first time I saw him getting ready, I thought it had to be joke. For all of his foibles and annoyance Mr. MMA has been married for well over a decade and is a father. These facts made it seem improbable that the nylon bag he walked into the gym with could be what I thought it was. Then he unzipped it. Sure enough, a pair of rollerblades. My boss, Mr. MMA, the man who strives for Zen and balance in all things is… a rollerblader.

Mr. MMA’s reason for doing such a thing to himself is that he has bad knees. That’s all well and good but there is a part of me that has to call bullshit. Dude, I have bad knees, which happens when you’ve jumped out of a plane with heavy stuff on like I have. You still won’t see me rollerblading, especially when he’s paid to have top of the line elliptical trainers put into the gym. They’re so good that in addition to a super smooth rolling action they have the cable input. You can watch TV as long as you’re moving. If I didn’t have to work I might never get off the damn thing in the morning. It’s really the only chance I have to watch Sportscenter. Now with it being live every morning, never mind- I digress. Back to our regularly scheduled bashing of my boss.

Rollerblading is something my mother does to work out. It’s what a gay friend of mine does if he thinks he “really likes a guy” for one of the first few dates. It is what you did back in the early 90’s if you wanted to look trendy, shit I don’t think they even have rollerblading in the X-games anymore. Yet you will still see Mr. MMA leave from the gym and take to the streets two or three times a week on the damn things.

This is getting to the point of me almost needing therapy. I get talked down to and bitched out by guy who thinks it’s socially acceptable to glide along the street on a set of brightly colored Salomon’s. The same dude that has created a running joke of wanting to wear a pink shirt “next time [he’s] out blading” to promote the gym with the other owners. Yeah, he's the same person nit picking how well I cleaned up the front desk before I left work the other day.

Homosexual friends of mine think what he’s doing is gay and I can do nothing but smile and take it for another 353 days till I fight him!?!?!

That day cannot get here soon enough.